Evening All.

I'm sure most of you have been relaxing in your gardens, with the BBQ gently smoking and a Pimms in hand. You lucky Bs! As Dad is allowed home for the days over the weekend, I have been mowing, strimming & rummaging in the garage...all under the highly critical eye of Hincksy. Even Clive (next door neighbour) looked rather alarmed at the state of me, unfemininely sweating like the proverbial pig, on the end of the lawn mower. Luckily for me the old bugger wasn't as particular about his usual crown green bowling standard lawn, as he could have been. He'd earlier demanded that he be wheeled into his private kingdom (the garage), to survey his loved ones (the tools), and he'd spotted the ancient roller mower... Even I was impressed by my divertional tactics. At a speed Linford Cristie would be proud of, I hot-footed it to the back of the garage and grabbed a tin of WD40. This kept Hincksy amused for at least half an hour, and long enough for him to forget about the lawn. He had the wheelchair upside down and gave it it's first servicing...

Easily bored I then pushed him down to the bridge and around the village. I'm a bit suspicious about the lack of folk around, and wonder whether a pre-warning signal had been sent out to all, that he'd been released! My 11 year old Son was with us, and was down by the river edge trying to skim stones, with Hincksy yelling 'That's not how you bloody do it!'.I have grave concerns that Jake has far too much of his Grandfather's genes for comfort. He came back to us scratching his and explained that if the wheelchair had caterpiller tracks, Grandad could go down the riverbank and over the stones...Hincksy is currently drawing up the blueprints of his invention.

Back on the ward, Dad had been bored and up to no good. He was supposed to come home for the 4 days over Easter, possibly a bit too much too soon for Mum. He managed Friday, then she went down with the Flu and he was stuck on the Ward for the rest of time. It makes you wonder whether all mariages should have strict visiting times only? Regardless, Hincksy was really worried about Mum, and even more, bored...so he took to phoning me on my mobile (even though I was having the 'Weekend from Hell' at work). At first I didn't recognise the number, and every time I went to pick it up, the caller rang off. Eventually, twigging it was Hincksy, I tried to call him back, but he'd turned the bloody phone off in case he got caught. I kept trying...maybe he was ill?...maybe it was Mum?...in a panic, I phoned the Ward and told the nurse that Dad was trying to call me....and she just sniggered...'Mr Hincks...Have you been using your mobile phone on the ward? Your daughter has just snitched on you!' Oh, gee, thanks for that. And what did he want that was so desperately urgent?...'Are you coming to see me tonight, I've run out of Speckled Hen?'

He's also been using his mobile for more insubortinate and self gratifying deeds. He started by sending a text to the nurses' station whilst they were having report. 'If you don't move soon, you'll be getting bed sores'. Then he waited until the Domestic was the closest to the phone, and told that she'd missed a bit. He eventually gave himself away by mentioning the 'shite' that he's given as food...fool!

His bed on the ward if truly under threat. He has completely undermined patient confidentiality, as he has the biggest ears on the ward. He knows the full medical history of every person there, (probably inclusive of staff), and uses it to his full advantage. As he has nothing better to do, he watches every move..what patients do, and not..what they leave on their plate..... He's currently the fittest boy in the bay, and none of the others can speak. Every day he helps the nurses by filling in the guys' menu cards for them. Needless to say, the other patients are starting to look quite emaciated as they don't like the meals that have been ordered. Whilst the return of Hincksy's muffin belly is imminent. Dad is so mercenary that he's been seen hovering outside closed curtains whilst a fellow patient has been having a swallow assessment. 'If he fails it, can I have his tea?'

The first time Dad came home, was with a entourage of health professionals, to assess how he got on. The OT must have got whiff of the how much of a critical 'backseat' driver he was, and arranged an ambulance with full paramedic crew to bring him home. Needless to say, the next time he left the hospital, Mum was expected to hurl him and his wheelchair into her car, singlehandedly. I knew it wouldn't take long...He convinced Mum to let him steer the car from the passenger seat..to see if he could, (more likely that he thought he could do it better than her!)

Tomorrow is the day he no longer speaks to me; the day I get written out of the Will; the day I will be ostrasized as his duaghter...the day I am moving his computer downstairs! When I arrived today, Hincksy was sat in the lounge, and even though he's only been home a couple of times in 5 months...he claimed he was bored!. Like a fool I offered to bring the computer down. I'm hoping that he'll be so distracted by the fact that all his financial investments have been moved, that he will forget to read the Blog. Sadly (for me), and thanks to his visitors' enthusiasm, he is so intigued of what I've been writing, I fear it'll be his first web page. I might just remove the fuse from his plug board...might put him off the scent for a day or two...

Regards Vick X