Not the most eventful week, hence no rush to blog. Needless to say, even from the mundane day-to-day rituals, Dad seems to give just enough ammunition to force me to put finger to keyboard.

After his momentous Chinese takeaway, he thought he was on a roll with the food and upped the ante on his requests. As you read on, you'll understand the effect that the constant food troughing and remarkable resemblance to Buddah, has had on his rehab progress. Last weekend, having studied the Menu at length (well he's got f**k all else to do except plan for his weekend feast); 'Yung Chow Chicken Fried Rice & Beansprouts & Noddles' he demanded, though he may as well have just ordered the Set Meal for 4! I can now add 'Scapegoat' to my Job Description, as he explained that he'd only ordered so much food, so that I could have his leftovers. Good job I'm not a skinny bitch needing sustenance, as what he deigned to leave behind wouldn't have fed the cat! Despite only leaving shrapnel on his plate (and in his beard,) he proclaimed that it was dry and he didn't enjoy it...yeah, yeah - he's just not plausible any more, and the ever growing muffin belly, justs acts as proof, Your Honour.

Hincksy's catering team (me & mum) is currently planning how to pull off his latest demand for the perfect bacon butty. On Saturday morning - even though it isn't visiting hours - he wants hot, crispy bacon in a soft, doughy sandwich. What does he think we are - bloody miracle workers... how can bacon stay crispy for 6 miles? Nevertheless, we never shun a challenge, and have drawn out a mass of plans to deliver the golden egg - oh hell, he'll want one of those next!

There is a new chap in Dad's bay (as he is 'Bea - Top Dog in Wentworth Detention Centre' alias Prisoner Cell Block H...it is HIS bay), and the guy can talk. This is a threat to the status quo...Major Alert. The chap has loads of cards and visitors and is a potential danger to Hincksy's status. Fotunately, the guy seems a bit confused, and this only gives power to Queen Bea! I'm sure I heard Dad mutter to one of the nurses; 'He said he was constipated and asked for an enema!' The power is all his.

Dad has a friend in the bay who interestingly can, but doesn't speak much; and he forgets easily. His daughter is fanastic and is there every day urging him to get stronger and fitter, but is worried that he's not getting all the rehab he needs. She's asked Hincksy if he would urge her Dad on and to coax him to go for physio when he says he's feeling tired. Dad is a sucker for a pretty blonde, and can't help himself. Maybe he still thinks the recycled bottle under the sheets is working as a teepee... She also needs advice on what help is out in the 'real world', this has once again added to my Job Description, and I am now Community Nursing Advisor to the whole ward as Dad states 'My Daughter is a District Nursing Sister, she'll sort it out!'

Hincksy is doing better than we ever dreamed. Yesterday they took him
into the Physio Dept. He's been shuffling around before now, but they decided that if he got up a bit of momentum, his balance may be better. 'No Probs', and off he went at high speed; one physio holding his bad arm, and another there for support. Whilst careering across the room, the stilettoe went from beneath him and, now being round, he hurtled like bowling ball through the department taking the staff with him. Thankfully no lasting injuries, but he's now reconsidering wearing the steeltoe-capped boots, with ankle supports.

Dad is also getting alot more movement in his bad hand. He can now touch each finger with his thumb and proudly states that he can 'scratch his bollocks'! I gave him a new exercise yesterday...Hold the ball...Forward to the left..Back..Forward to the front...Back...Forward to the right...Back and lift. 'A new technique in rehab?' he asks......no it's the gearbox on the Range Rover - and a wicked grin across his face!

P.S. As I couldn't remember the names involved in Prisoner Cell Block H, I needed to look it up...and sadly, I have to inform you that they have an Official Web Site - I think I may be a member now...and Bea might be coming to look for me...arrhh!

Regards, Vick